I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
