Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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