Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
