I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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