I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
