now i know why i became what i already was.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
