It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
