it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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