did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
