I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
