A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
