Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
