This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
