i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
