big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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