Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
