So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
