hotel room ftw
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
