When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
