My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
