He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
