dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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