i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
