butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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