i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
