this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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