Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Never joke about your clitoris.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
