I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Randomize
