i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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