How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
