at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
