The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
