I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
