clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
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