Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
