i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
