He kissed a someone with a penis
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
