Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
