Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
