drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
