i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
