Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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