your thong is hanging out like whoa
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
In America we eat man semen.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
