is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
