We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
