I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
