he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
third nipple confirmed
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
