Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Come on in and take your pants off
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