I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
