If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
