I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
